Shyness and Confidence

Those who overcame shyness and gained confidence, how did you do it?

1) Make the effort to go where people are. You can’t overcome shyness by staying at home. Just doing something, anything builds your confidence. “Eighty percent of all success is just showing up.”

2) Ask questions of clerks in stores. They HAVE to talk to you. It helps you find you are able to talk to people

3) Strand up straight. It makes you feel powerful.

4) Smile all the time. It makes you approachable.

5) Look people in the eye and practice, practice, practice. Looking people in the eye is harder than you would think and it takes practice. Have a contest with yourself and see if you can get them to look away first. You will see that everyone is afraid. Almost everyone is shy.

6) Forget about being embarrassed no matter how bad. You got caught picking your nose? Wave your finger in the air. You wet yourself in public because you couldn’t make it to the bathroom? Throw your hands up and say, “Oh sure!” and laugh at yourself. Embarrassment lasts about 5 minutes and the one thing you will find is that most people will help you out of an embarrassing predicament. Some people enjoy humiliating others - don’t let them. Stand up straight and say, “Oh well, you got me this time!” and laugh like it doesn’t matter - it doesn’t because they don’t. Rise above and always maintain your dignity - it’s something no one can take from you unless you surrender it.

7) Never be serious about anything. Laugh at yourself and situations. Over-exaggerate your body movements when talking. At least you will distract people.

8) Say what you want, and get to the point. Don’t try to obscure what you’re saying to disguise what you want somehow. Know what you want then demand it.

9) Help others who are shy and less confident. It will make you a giant

10) Practice speaking in public. Tell people it terrifies you. This inoculates you from your mistakes or occasional stuttering and engenders sympathy. The more you can talk on a public stage the more confident you will be

11) Accept that rejection is a part of life and you will be rejected more than you will be accepted. People have their own wants and needs and aren’t required to accept yours. But there are people - lots of people, lots and lots of people, who WILL accept you. Do not be discouraged by rejection.

12) Talk yourself up all the time. Tell yourself you’re great and great things will happen. “You do not have the luxury of a negative thought.”

13) Take risks. Get out there and talk to that gorgeous person. Don’t ask them out, just talk. Can’t think of what do say, then comment on the weather and see how they respond then ask them about them. Never ask “yes” or “no” questions; always ask “how” and “why” questions.

14) Confidence is nothing more than believing in yourself all the time, even when your wrong lots of the time. Never doubt yourself. “They seemed to be able and so they were able.”

15) Forget about externalities like clothing or hair or affectations. Your confidence, posture and smile and ability to laugh at yourself will overcome the coffee you spilled on yourself right before the big interview.

16) Be good at something - anything - stamp collecting, fixing lawnmowers, bike riding, re-upholstering furniture. It doesn’t matter what it is - being good at something gives you the confidence that spills over into your everyday life. If you can be good at something you can be good at anything.

17) Treat people with kindness and respect. If you get too confident then you’re on your way to arrogance and arrogance is unlovable.

18) Ask out that person who is way out of your league. Prepare for rejection and be surprised when and if success occurs - and sometimes it will. You have to strive for the stars all the time. Failure breeds success. Nothing fails like not trying.

19) Butt into stranger’s conversations. They are talking about the local sports blowout, just say ‘I know, right?” and give an opinion. In an hour you’ll have new friends.

20) Learn about trust credit and how to extend and demand trust. Trust is a preciously earned commodity. Once you know how to parcel it out and get it back you will gain more confidence.