Neediness/Clinging
In the realm of relationships, both personal and professional, very little displays a lack of self-confidence in one`s self more than neediness or clinging.
When you `need` someone to make you feel better about yourself, you are effectively putting that person or people up on a pedestal and lowering yourself to a level of subordination.
The reason why so many men and women fail in finding love and attracting a decent partner into their lives is that they are looking to something external to provide them with validation of their existence and to give them an identity.
But, when you do this, you are giving away your power and putting your self-worth on very precarious ground because when you are rejected or shunned you will equate the rejection with your character, which leads to depression, anxiety, self-destructive habits, and, in the worst-case scenarios, suicide.
And none of this is necessary, at all!
What you need to do is view your relationships as accessories, not attachments.
They should enhance your life, not be the sole reason for your existence!
I`m not advocating a solitary life in the woods, but you should `want` a relationship, as opposed to `needing` one.
Oversensitivity
Opinions are like assholes; everyone has one!
Yet, far too many of us take needless exception to the thoughts, words, and actions of others and blow them way out of proportion.
A person with healthy self-esteem would take the opinion of another as simply that, an opinion, and, while not agreeing or liking what was expressed, would disagree calmly whilst not belittling the person in the process.
But, what do most of us do?
We fly right off the handle, seeing a dissenting point of view as a personal attack and a call to arms for us to defend our territory with every means at our disposal!
This can only lead to petty arguments, physical assault, and years of begrudging someone because of a few misplaced or careless words.
The sad part about all of this is that what happens in the here and now, whether it be good or bad, won`t matter in five, ten, twenty, or even a hundred years from now.
So, why get bent out of shape and give away your happiness for something that has little importance in the grand scheme of things?
Scarcity mindset
One of the simplest ways to judge someone`s level of self-esteem is to witness their behaviour in adverse conditions.
Anyone can be happy, positive, and upbeat when everything is going their way.
But, how do they cope when everything turns to shit?
The person with low self-esteem will bemoan their station in life, cursing and deriding everything and everyone around them and letting the situation dictate their thoughts and actions.
On the other hand, people with high self-esteem realize that life doesn`t move in a constant, upward trajectory.
It can be roses one day and stinking manure the next.
This is how life is!
They understand that with the good comes the bad and vice versa and that they will just do the best that they can in the circumstances presented.
Alone vs. Lonely
We are all designed to be social beings.
Therefore, it can be particularly challenging when we go through periods where we have little choice but to do things on our own.
The default reaction is to feel lonely and crave human contact in some way, shape, and form.
Yet, this comes from a place of neediness, which I have mentioned earlier.
Such people have so little self-esteem that the very thought of ostracization is anathema to them and they would rather walk on broken glass.
But, the truth is you are simply alone.
Confident people value their time alone.
They see the precious hours, days, weeks, months, or even years, that they have to themselves as valuable space for personal development and time to catch up on any pressing matters.
Because they value their alone time, the times that they spend with and around others is a bonus and only adds to the pleasure they already feel when they are alone.
Poor posture
Have you ever seen someone walking down the street like they just lost the lottery?
More than likely, these people are simply down on themselves.
Their shoulders are hunched.
Their gaze is down.
Their pace is lethargic.
Their whole demeanour screams `low self-esteem`.
Life has punched them in the face and they are down for the count.
If you are one of these people, get off the canvas!
Sure, life isn`t always peaches and cream, but you only have a certain amount of time on this big, blue ball.
Take the bad with the good.
It`s a cycle: you are either going in a storm, going through a storm, or coming out of a storm.
Just get through it!!
Whatever it is!!
Do you want to know the quickest way to get more confidence?
Stand tall.
Pull your shoulders back.
Stick your chest out slightly.
Walk with a purpose.
No, doing so won`t solve all your problems.
But, neither will dwelling on them!!
At the very least, you`ll look and feel more confident and other people will notice the change too.
Thanks so much for reading!
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